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Spending Money on Empires and Puzzles is a Major FLEX and It Pisses Off Salty Gamers

Best Empires and Puzzles Team

Ah, the sweet, pungent aroma of jealousy wafting through the virtual Empires and Puzzles battlefield – it's almost as satisfying as the click of a completed puzzle combo. It seems some members of the gaming community, bless their little cotton socks, have gotten their knickers in a twist over how some of us choose to spend our disposable income.

Now, picture this: a lowly account, a neophyte in the grand chessboard that is Empires and Puzzles, strides into the arena. The owner of this account – let's call them a visionary – has just started out. Yet, through the sheer power of financial prowess and a bit of strategy, they’ve managed to take down a raid defense of a team ranked in the global top 30.

But here's where it gets delicious – I posted a video of this monumental victory on Reddit, and guess how the free-to-play (FTP) peasants responded? With unadulterated salt. The kind of salt that could season a thousand bags of movie theater popcorn. My account? It's sitting pretty at a cool -20 karma. That's right, folks – negative twenty. Because how dare someone use their own money to enjoy a game to its fullest?

The knee-jerk reaction of the FTP puritans is as predictable as it is hilarious. They clamor about "pay-to-win" mechanics and how money is "ruining" gaming. They'll spew paragraphs of righteous indignation in forums, crying over the sanctity of their grind, as if anyone forced them to take the arduous path of self-inflicted martyrdom.

Incorporating this new theme into the mix, let's dive a bit deeper, shall we?

If Dante were alive today, he'd undoubtedly write about the ninth circle of hell with a new twist: the Empires and Puzzles subreddit. It's a place where joy goes to die, a cesspool brimming with the tears of the indignant. A literal endless stream of whining and complaining, where the salty run-off from defeated FTP gamers flows like a river of despair. For every strategic tip shared, there's a deluge of disgruntled posts about how "unfair" the game is to those who don't spend money. It's as though these forums have become support groups for the bitter and the beaten, a place where the echo chamber reverberates with the sound of a thousand violins playing the saddest symphony for those who just can't stand to see others succeed where they have not. The narrative is always the same: someone else's victory is their victimhood. It's a spectacle, really, a relentless parade of the perpetually peeved, marching to the beat of their own grumbles and groans.

Here's a reality check: Empires and Puzzles, like life, is not fair. It's not designed to be a utopian commune where everyone holds hands and resources fall from the sky like manna. Some of us choose to use our resources – read: money – to expedite our enjoyment. We're the ones keeping the lights on in the developers' offices, after all.

Our financial injections keep the updates coming, the servers running, and the content fresh. Every gem purchased is a brick in the ever-expanding empire that FTP players get to inhabit for free. You're welcome, by the way.

The saddest part is that these so-called "salty gamers" are missing the point entirely. While they're gnashing their teeth and waging war in comment sections, the rest of us are basking in the glory of our hard-bought victories. We're not just playing the game; we're winning it.

So, to the naysayers, the keyboard warriors, the FTP zealots: Keep your salt. We'll keep our victories, our fully ascended heroes, and our top-tier raid defenses. And every time you see our names emblazoned on the leaderboards, remember that your downvotes and your outrage only add to the sweet, sweet flavor of our success.

Go ahead, keep your karma scores high while your raid rankings stay low. We'll be over here, laughing all the way to the bank – which, incidentally, is where we're getting the money to sustain our Empires and Puzzles domination.

Flexing? Absolutely. And it's absolutely magnificent.

Here's a cool shirt you might appreciate:

Oh, I'm absolutely quivering with anticipation for the moment I grace the Empires and Puzzles subreddit with this article. I fully intend to post it, and when I do, I imagine I'll set a new subreddit downvote speedrun record. I can see it now: the downvotes will come pouring in faster than a horde of loot ticket users on Atlantis Rises weekend. It'll be like watching the Spartans at Thermopylae if the Spartans were armed with nothing but sheer pettiness and an itchy downvote finger. I'll become a legend, the Most Downvoted of All Time – a badge I will wear with honor as I ascend to my rightful place in the pantheon of provocateurs. My post will be the virtual equivalent of poking a bear – a bear that’s already grumpy because someone else bought all the honey.

245 views3 comments


Well written piece. Didn't make me laugh, which I assume was the aim, but I like the use of language and the FU attitude of it.


Will Albers
Will Albers
Nov 03, 2023

this is the best article every written about E&P, a game i enjoy playing and I don't mind spending a few $ to support the game. You need to publish this over at the small giant forum where the salty are gathered in even greater numbers than reddit.

Replying to

The salty are not gathered in great numbers there. Its mostly the same 60-80 people in every thread.

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